Shmalentine's Day

Anyone who knows me knows I have a long, dark history with February 14th (and all festivities the day entails) and have a very low opinion of the whole holiday. One year I even sported a shirt emblazoned with the phrase, "Every time you wish someone a happy Valentine's day, God kills a kitten".  Ordinarily, I will gather all my single friends and we will hold an AntiValentine's day, where bitterness reigns and many zombie films are watched. This year however, I think I will break my glorious tradition of love-hating. I think this year I will accept the fact that just because Valentine's has been cruel to me, does not mean it hasn't been equally kind to others. I will smile rather than sneer at the couples and rejoice in the fact that someone is enjoying love, even if it is not me. Love is beautiful, friends. It can not be explained by mathematical equation or produced by artificial means. It just is, like the smell of rain or the sound of the wind in trees just is. If you have love in your life, whether it is eros, storge, phileo, or agape, treasure it and nurture it on the most loving day of the whole year.

of mice and men

Now I know why a solitary farm full of nothing but bunnies was such an irresistible fantasy. I find myself preoccupied with wild, desperate escapist fantasies. I just want, need, have to get out of here!

5x7

Who will you be when you're nobody?
When everything you've known about yourself shrinks
Until it fits into a 5x7 photograph
What used to make your heart beat
Is a song whose words you just can't remember
(Though occasionally you catch yourself humming the melody)
Your heart beats only for itself  now, a selfish child
Who at any moment may become bored and no longer wish to play your game
What will matter when senses fail?
The love you gave and sent and lived
Will become a bard that sings your story
Long after all else fades to a whisper

2012

Obligatory New Year post. How do you feel about New Year's resolutions? I am definitely a fan of intentionality. A wise friend once told me, "If you don't like something in your life, stop whining about it and change it." I love the idea of making a conscious decision and then acting on it. Some of the best things in my life have come about from that very concept. But for me, New Year's resolutions are fleeting. I make them, I break them, then tell myself I'll try again next year. I hope you'll agree with me when I say I want to make New Day's resolutions. Wake up, open my eyes, decide who and what I want to be and then be that.

You.

You are quiet, but when you choose to speak your words only benefit those who hear.
You have grown old before your time because the weight of the world rests heavy on your heart, but you have never lost the childlike way you look at the world.
You hold loosely to the things you have, you count it all as an undeserved gift. You give freely, the only natural response to being so blessed, you say.
Music comes from your fingertips, your mouth, and your soul; we both dance to the melody.
You hope all things, believe all things, love all things, and every day I thank God that one of those things is me.

Old soul young soul

Yesterday, I sat in a coffee shop sipping hot tea, my fingers working nimbly on a cross-stitch pattern. Unwilling to be guilted into leaving the happy haven of my handiwork and personal thoughts, I turned my phone to silent and gingerly slipped it into my purse. That day, I felt I was an old soul in a young body.
Today, I wanted to run from my responsibilities, to be reckless, careless, shiftless... to fulfill my desires despite the inevitable consequences. Impulsive, petulant, naive, and hopeful, I felt I was a young soul trapped in an old body.
I think most people carry several different ages in their hearts at all times. Children act like adults, adults act like children, and eventually the lines begin to blur.

Mistakes

Sometimes you just find yourself sitting there, cutting your food and thinking, "I'm just one mistake away from an adventure."