Update, post trek

Today is the last day of our hike. After a full day yesterday, everyone is ready for a wash and a rest. Our mode of bathing is a Guatemalan sauna called a temezcal. It's a small encasement about 4x6 ft with a coal fire in one corner to heat it. A pail of very hot and very cold water sit on a plank, where you sit in the middle with an empty pail and mix the two to desired temperature. We use a small bowl to pour this water over top of us to wash and rinse, usually two people at a time. It definitely encourages bonding and discourages modesty. 

 We woke up at 3am to begin our hike today, extra early to catch the sunrise from a lookout point not far from our homestay. We sat bundled up with hot coffee and oatmeal as the slow sunrise lit up the seven volcano peaks silhouetted in the distance. I've never seen a skyline like this, and the soft purples, pinks and grays created a scene no camera can fully capture. I chose a few select songs to soundtrack the moment and I think I found a few that were just about perfect. Our first settling, with mostly dark except for a soft blue directly East, was accented by "the earth is not a cold dead place" by Explosions in the Sky. The soft early dawn as the peaks began to take shape was enjoyed with "the Universe" by Gregory Alan Isakov. "Pathos pathos" by Kishi Bashi  seemed to coax the first bright flashes of sun to emerge, lighting up the clouds, lake water, and cities scattered below. Stunning. We have a few hours yet of our hike to the lake, where we'll begin our next project. We're smelly, tired, and sore from the voyage but spirits are high. As hard as it's been, it's been broken up by breathtaking views, dips in waterfalls, and picnics under delicious shade trees. I could live like this forever... But I'm excited for the work to begin again. 

The group is still getting along well. Our last hosts had a guitar, so I recruited a friend to play a few tunes. He played guitar and sang, and I sang harmonies to various folk tunes for the group. Luckily our taste in music is nearly identical, and knew all the same songs. It definitely made me feel much more at home, as I've sorely missed making music. 

I'm falling in love with the people here, they are so kind and inviting. The Mayan family I helped build a stove for thanked me with a traditional garb with stitched patterns so intricate it takes over a month to complete. I had trouble accepting it, and it was hard to express my gratitude with my broken Spanish. They taught me how to say thank you in quiche ('kee-chay), the Mayan language, but even that seemed insufficient. It's hard to believe our time is nearly half over. It seems I've been here for ages, and at the same time I feel like I just got here. 

Please pray for my speech and actions, that I portray Christ well. Be well, friends

Update, mid trek

The trip has taken a turn for the remote. We've traded hostels for home stays with the locals of the altiplanos, and it's a different world. Dirt roads, livestock everywhere, outhouses and high cresting hills painted by farmland. This is more what I pictured when I imagined the trip, I almost wish we hadn't been spoiled by the modest but modern cities we've been enjoying. Showers, indoor plumbing and electricity are a thing of the past. As I speak, we're all huddled on the concrete floor with our sleeping bags pressed together as we play cards by the light of our headlamps. Our hosts are incredibly kind although facial expressions are the only form of communication since they speak an ancient Mayan language none of us know. We hiked the majority of the morning and worked on stove construction until sundown. The trek took us to a height of about 10,500 ft and was by far the most physically challenging thing I've done in my life. Two more like it when we migrate to the lake to stay at the next village and the next project. 

As for the internal goings ons... I think I'm getting increasingly introverted as alone time is rare. Privacy is nonexistent and I'm thankful the majority of the group is made up of women. 

Hiking today, I was struck by the beauty and the bigness of my surroundings. My God is so big and otherworldly, I feel so lead to this trip as He reminds me every day of his qualities revealed in His creation. I've also been reminded of my own fragility as I've been sick and weak, and finally conquered by a tortuous hike in daunting altitudes. I am weak in mind, body, and spirit and the delicious dependence I feel is much needed. I make God so small... But looking at the beauty of the mountains, the harshness of the volcanos, the resilience of the Guatemalan people, I see Him all around. It is hard trying to process through these feelings about my relationship with Christ alone, as there's not really anyone to talk to about it and I tend to be an external processor. But alas, I suppose I'll have to save it for later. 

Guatemala update 6-6-14

Finally got some adequate wifi access at an amazing cafe, a 3rd wave gem called Melatte in Xela. I wasn't sure whether to blog activities or emotions of the trip, so I'll break them into sections. 

It's been raining an insane amount here, nearly every day save for a few precious hours of sun. Morale is low as most of our party is sick with various illnesses and sad from lack of sun. But we've found ways to cheer each other up. My room at the hostel has five occupants, it's a cozy windowless sanctuary we've dubbed "The Cave." We built a blanket fort and watched movies during the heaviest rain, hard to believe we're all in our 20s! The past few days have been a mix of work and fun. The days are taken up entirely by language training one-on-one and cultural immersion to prepare us for the remote village on our next stop. Evenings are usually cooking, documentaries about Guatemalan history, or recreation like salsa lessons, drinks, or games inside if it's raining. Yesterday our trip leaders surprised us with an impromptu trip to the altiplanos to see the famous hot springs birthed from volcanic fissures. The scenery was unreal, I'll try to upload a picture. After a nice soak morale was much improved. 

The group is growing closer by the day. Despite being from five different countries, we're like family after only a week together. I feel so comfortable and at home with them, connected in a way I can't even describe. We cook together, clean together, laugh, cry, hug, cuddle, and grow together. We've become brave and are more comfortable conversing and connecting with the locals.

 I think this has been a lonely couple days. I try to post on Facebook so my friends and parents know I'm alive and well, but seeing the posts of everyone else is making me homesick. It's also very different being around people that don't share my beliefs, it's challenging and isolating but also very refreshing. Conversations have been stellar and extremely stimulating. People are so environmentally and socially conscious and it makes me feel so guilty that I've lived so much of my life ignorant of the issues in my and other countries. I must admit I find myself overwhelmed as I discover the amount of social injustice present in my world, even in my own country. I don't know how to process this just yet.

Tomorrow we start our three day journey to the mountain village. Covering about ten miles a day, it will be a challenge because none of us are used to the altitude and most of us are weakened from travelers sickness. But once we get to the village we will begin our first big project, building stoves for the women of a Mayan organization called AMA. They suffer from eye and respiratory problems from cooking over open fires and they live in the smoke every moment indoors. They cook tortillas to sell, a popular occupation. The stoves we're constructing will prevent the lung diseases they suffer from, and they are thrilled for the help and also to share their homes with us. I am so excited to get started with the work.

My prayers for this week are: health to be well enough to work, to have a soft heart that is burdened for the pain of the world, and pray that the comfort of God will be sufficient in days of new surroundings. Thanks friends!! 

First week: culture immersion

We have spent this whole week experiencing the culture of the three cities we've seen, Guatemala City, Antigua, and Quetzaltenango. We got to shake hands with a small coop coffee farmer and walk along enormous

 rows of a corporate farm that supplies big name buyers such as Starbucks and Stumptown. Hearing the insane amount of time and work they both put into the product makes me so glad that I have the opportunity to be the finally step in their work and process. By paying attention to detail when presenting their product, I pay them respect. They warm my heart. 

The next few days were emotionally taxing. We heard the stories of the civil war survivors, and those whose family had been slaughtered and kidnapped by their own government. We talked to women who had been raped and tortured for asking what had happened to their husbands and why they had been taken. The students there talked about how the bodies of their colleagues would be dumped on the school grounds as a scare tactic. Some, as recently as ten years ago. 

We talked to women of mining farms who had their homes burned by mining companies because they refused to abandon their ancestral land. This is a population abused, with little advocate or political voice and corruption infiltrates every modicum of government entity.

We hand spent much time with the people, who welcome us into their homes. Yesterday we killed a chicken for a traditional soup... On that note, I think I'm a vegetarian now. 

This trip has been fulfilling and I am so excited to start the more intensive volunteer work after language classes.

So far several in our group have gotten sick but by the grace of God I am in good health despite a wicked sunburn after hours in the coffee farm. 

The pace here is breakneck so downtime is rare... I'll try to update as much as I can. Some specific prayer requests I have are:

1. Health

2. Eyes focused on the cross. Time alone  with God is hard to come by here, and distractions are a constant.

3. To see the pain and need of people the way God sees it, to have my heart burdened.

Please let me know which you're praying for in comments, I would love that! Be well, friends

Day 1

A bittersweet goodbye at the terminal, the earmark of the life that happens in airports. Sweet hellos, tearful goodbyes, and strangers passing in forced proximity.  I love them, I love the mesh of stories and hurried happenings as I fight the urge to ask each of them where they've been and where they're going. 

The flight, uneventful, seemed like magic. It always does. The chaotic power and the quiet lift as wheels kiss pavement farewell. I have the window seat, nose against the glass like a child. The sun is starting to rise, I feel as if we're racing its ascent... Who can touch heaven first? The sun blows smoke in our faces like a brute in a bar, and the turbulence makes us all clench our armrests a little tighter, prayers intermingling with nervous laughter. 

The first coming together of the group was effortless as we all shared stories and laughed as we poked fun at stereotypes of our respective cultures. Land and sea, far or near, our humanity looks the same and bonds us. 

Our laughter sounds the same and our smiles are unaffected by accents. 

Day one is going well, spirits are high and we all look forward to cooking Guatemalan style pizza... Because who doesn't love pizza?

Freakin' Germany....

I saw a post entitled "10 German words with no English equivalent" and I've experience three of them in the space of a week.
The first, "weltschmerz", describes a specific depression or apathy that comes from comparing the ideal world to reality. Ah... yes, weltschmerz. I know you well.
The second, "kummerspeck", roughly translates to "grief bacon" and describes weight gain brought on by emotional eating. Just look at the amount of pizza and chocolate containers in my trash. Grief bacon is a staple in my diet, atop scrambled eggs and toast.
The third, "torchlusspanik", translates to "Fear of the gate closing" and describes the acute fear that time is running out and opportunities are slipping away.

If you had asked 16 year old Stephanie what her life would look like at 25, she would have said that she would be a physical therapist married to a veterinarian who also plays in a band and loves camping. She'd have a kid on the way, but still has time to care for her two cats and volunteer at the homeless shelter. She'd live in a little yellow house NOT in the suburbs and has a willow tree in the yard she likes to read underneath. She has a pool probably.

So imagine her weltschmerz if she discovered that real 25 year-old Stephanie is a single nurse with an apartment in the suburbs, no pets, and no pool. She still volunteers, but the nearest willow tree is miles away. Bring on the grief bacon, here comes the torchlusspanik.

But in all reality, the fact that God's plan for my life has so far diverged from my own does cause me some stress, confusion, and occasional sadness. I long for the feeling of moving towards something, rather than treading water. But God has also granted me an insane and totally supernatural amount of contentment in this season. I pine, yes, but rarely. Most days I wake up and relish my freedom. I make my own amazing breakfast, enjoy coffee just the way I like it and get quiet uninterrupted time with the Lord followed by raucous, un-judged dancing. I do yoga in my living room and let the dishes sit as long as I like. I sing always, and I come and go as I please. I cook the food I like, listen to the music I like, sing the songs I like and apologize to no one. It's a wonderful life. But despite my happiness with it, I've also discovered I idolize relationships and love in general. I only thought you idolized love if you said things like "once I get married I'll be happy". But I've recently realized my heart often says, "I'm happy... but I will be even happier after I get married". They are the same, and both are attitudes that make marriage an idol and prevent readiness for it. Lately my prayer is for God to make me content in my life NOW, because once He is all I need then everything else is icing on the cake. And boy, would I love to trade my grief bacon in for some cake.

Sweatshirt Weather

I still have your sweatshirt.
It hangs in my closet like a secret.
It reminds me of you, in the way that it smells, among other things. It's a simple, unassuming grey. Boring? No... classic. It matches and alludes to you in that it keeps me warm, gives me comfort. It wraps around me fitting too big, but strangely perfect. The company that makes it is well known for their reliability and durability. Your Maker too, took great pride in your construction and it shows in the quality. If they sold you in Macy's I would not be able to afford you (but I may ask for you for Christmas).
You lent it to me expecting to get it back. I lent pieces of myself, expecting the same.

Your sweatshirt and my heart, neither of which will return to the original owner any time soon.