5x7

Who will you be when you're nobody?
When everything you've known about yourself shrinks
Until it fits into a 5x7 photograph
What used to make your heart beat
Is a song whose words you just can't remember
(Though occasionally you catch yourself humming the melody)
Your heart beats only for itself  now, a selfish child
Who at any moment may become bored and no longer wish to play your game
What will matter when senses fail?
The love you gave and sent and lived
Will become a bard that sings your story
Long after all else fades to a whisper

2012

Obligatory New Year post. How do you feel about New Year's resolutions? I am definitely a fan of intentionality. A wise friend once told me, "If you don't like something in your life, stop whining about it and change it." I love the idea of making a conscious decision and then acting on it. Some of the best things in my life have come about from that very concept. But for me, New Year's resolutions are fleeting. I make them, I break them, then tell myself I'll try again next year. I hope you'll agree with me when I say I want to make New Day's resolutions. Wake up, open my eyes, decide who and what I want to be and then be that.

You.

You are quiet, but when you choose to speak your words only benefit those who hear.
You have grown old before your time because the weight of the world rests heavy on your heart, but you have never lost the childlike way you look at the world.
You hold loosely to the things you have, you count it all as an undeserved gift. You give freely, the only natural response to being so blessed, you say.
Music comes from your fingertips, your mouth, and your soul; we both dance to the melody.
You hope all things, believe all things, love all things, and every day I thank God that one of those things is me.

Old soul young soul

Yesterday, I sat in a coffee shop sipping hot tea, my fingers working nimbly on a cross-stitch pattern. Unwilling to be guilted into leaving the happy haven of my handiwork and personal thoughts, I turned my phone to silent and gingerly slipped it into my purse. That day, I felt I was an old soul in a young body.
Today, I wanted to run from my responsibilities, to be reckless, careless, shiftless... to fulfill my desires despite the inevitable consequences. Impulsive, petulant, naive, and hopeful, I felt I was a young soul trapped in an old body.
I think most people carry several different ages in their hearts at all times. Children act like adults, adults act like children, and eventually the lines begin to blur.

Mistakes

Sometimes you just find yourself sitting there, cutting your food and thinking, "I'm just one mistake away from an adventure."

Mo' money, mo' problems.

I've started my big girl nursing job. I can't describe how much this job has stretched my comfort zone, half the time I get home and can't believe at where I've ended up. I mean that in both good and bad ways.
I'm learning to serve.
I'm learning patience.
I'm learning my capacity to do what needs to be done.
I'm learning just what I'm made of.
I've had an up-and-down week. On the downside, my first week on the job was rough. Like... REALLY rough. To top it all off, I've caught myself the flu despite getting the flu shot! Bugger.
On the up-side, I just got the new Bon Iver album on vinyl, it's everything I hoped it would be and more. Except for one track that sounds like a 90s pop abomination. But I'll let it slide this time. If you haven't heard this album yet, go listen to it right now! It will change your life!

Sept 15, 1945

Sometimes, the wisest words come from people who don't know what year it is.

She looked at me with unseeing eyes, a trembling hand, and a drawer of stolen trinkets;
"You are lovely, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks and it doesn't matter what you think.
If you don't like where you are, if you aren't happy, then get out. You're too young to be unhappy. But if you have found something that you love, or someone you love, you never let that go."

Yes, she may not know who the president is... but she speaks more truth than I have heard in a long time.