I don't fear you because you're a different race than me
Rather, I fear you because you are human, a condition I happen to share
Therefore, I know exactly what you are capable of
Trucks are prohibited...but you are always welcome
Monday, October 29, 2012
Sunday, October 28, 2012
twenty something
I started writing a song about how hard it is to be in the 20s... that space in between what you were and what you will be.
The song slowly wrote itself, painting a picture of frustrations of your dream-adulthood meeting your real-adulthood with an awkward hand-shake, until the last verse... and then nothing. Block. Where does it go? How does it resolve?
So I wrote and re-wrote, but the emotions that drove the first half fell short because the conflict, like the song, had no resolution just yet.
Then, as I looked out at the leaves that I've slowly watched turn from green to red to brown, playing the chords with no words over and over, I was struck with the terrifying nature of growing old. What makes these transitions, these seasons, less terrifying? And slowly the lyrics came. A picture came forward of two hands clasped, standing on a train platform. And the destination of the train didn't matter, the length of the ride didn't matter as long as those two hands remained. It's love, isn't it? Love and living for someone else, that's what takes all the fear away.
And I tried SO hard to not write another love song.
The song slowly wrote itself, painting a picture of frustrations of your dream-adulthood meeting your real-adulthood with an awkward hand-shake, until the last verse... and then nothing. Block. Where does it go? How does it resolve?
So I wrote and re-wrote, but the emotions that drove the first half fell short because the conflict, like the song, had no resolution just yet.
Then, as I looked out at the leaves that I've slowly watched turn from green to red to brown, playing the chords with no words over and over, I was struck with the terrifying nature of growing old. What makes these transitions, these seasons, less terrifying? And slowly the lyrics came. A picture came forward of two hands clasped, standing on a train platform. And the destination of the train didn't matter, the length of the ride didn't matter as long as those two hands remained. It's love, isn't it? Love and living for someone else, that's what takes all the fear away.
And I tried SO hard to not write another love song.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Moody
How can I possibly describe the mood I'm in?
It makes me want to fall in love
It makes me want to fight a stranger
It makes me want to spit off a building and then jump, see what hits the ground first
It makes me want to run
It makes me want to stay home
It makes me want to drink until the world spins
It makes me want to write song after song, singing them until the words lose meaning
It makes me want to kiss someone whose mouth tastes of coffee and cigarettes
It makes me want to swim in dark, cold water, gazing up at an equally dark, cold sky
It makes me very difficult to understand, or even be around
So I wouldn't advise trying.
It makes me want to fall in love
It makes me want to fight a stranger
It makes me want to spit off a building and then jump, see what hits the ground first
It makes me want to run
It makes me want to stay home
It makes me want to drink until the world spins
It makes me want to write song after song, singing them until the words lose meaning
It makes me want to kiss someone whose mouth tastes of coffee and cigarettes
It makes me want to swim in dark, cold water, gazing up at an equally dark, cold sky
It makes me very difficult to understand, or even be around
So I wouldn't advise trying.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Blue Autumn
Just outside my window is a tree, just big and occlusive enough that it makes me feel that peace only the woods usually gives me. The leaves on it are starting to turn, and the chill floating through the glass and into my bones reminds me that a new season is upon me. A new season in weather, perhaps, while my own life feels unmistakeable stagnant. I feel restless.... like I'm poised waiting for a starting gun that never seems to come. I'm blessed in this quiet season, I have a wonderful apartment, friends, and hobbies but I can't shake the feeling that I'm called for something bigger. The constant coupling and recoupling, the marriages, engagements, and babies are getting me down. Every 'save the date' I see is a jab at the fact that I'm not anywhere near where I thought I'd be at nearly 24. Am I happy single? Yes... Am I fulfilled? Most days. I pray everyday for an undivided heart. I pray that my life would be shaped in a way that is wholly glorifying and singularly geared towards chasing the heart of God. But I also pray for a partner to navigate this mountain with me. I trust. I believe. I am content. But that doesn't mean I can't be a little blue.
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