Blue Autumn

Just outside my window is a tree, just big and occlusive enough that it makes me feel that peace only the woods usually gives me. The leaves on it are starting to turn, and the chill floating through the glass and into my bones reminds me that a new season is upon me. A new season in weather, perhaps, while my own life feels unmistakeable stagnant. I feel restless.... like I'm poised waiting for a starting gun that never seems to come. I'm blessed in this quiet season, I have a wonderful apartment, friends, and hobbies but I can't shake the feeling that I'm called for something bigger. The constant coupling and recoupling, the marriages, engagements, and babies are getting me down. Every 'save the date' I see is a jab at the fact that I'm not anywhere near where I thought I'd be at nearly 24. Am I happy single? Yes... Am I fulfilled? Most days. I pray everyday for an undivided heart. I pray that my life would be shaped in a way that is wholly glorifying and singularly geared towards chasing the heart of God. But I also pray for a partner to navigate this mountain with me. I trust. I believe. I am content. But that doesn't mean I can't be a little blue.