Beat the bright out

God meets us in the broken places.

I'm going to share my broken moment with you, in hopes of lifting your spirits.
After returning home from yet another night of feeling overwhelmingly lonely in a room full of people, I walked straight to my bathroom leaving trails of clothing, breadcrumbs in the forest.
I drew the hottest bath I could stand, like the water would strip away this feeling and submerged my face until I could hear my pulse in my ears. I cried out to God, with groaning and heaviness like a tree grown over a cliff, anchored only by a fragile network of roots; Why?
'Why, if I followed you here, do I feel so unfulfilled?'
'How, with all my weaknesses and inadequacies, can I do anything great or even useful for you?'
'If I stumble when you've supplied every need, how will I stand in the storms?'
The depth of my own flesh and humanity hit me, and like Isaiah, I was undone. I trembled before a Holy God, too afraid to lift my eyes and yet brazen enough to question my Creator.

And there in the quietness of the moment as I ached, He met me.

'My plans for you are perfect and fulfilling; if you feel unfulfilled, you haven't yet arrived. In this place, you are being prepared, fine-tuned for the plans I have for you. My people wandered in the desert before reaching the promised land, and so must you wait. Use this desert, this time, wisely and be a good steward of both it and the destination you've yet to reach. Rejoice in your stumbling, your shortcomings, and your failures; my Glory shines all the brighter as my strength is made perfect in your weakness. No effort can ready you for my service, only your willingness. I will do the work. You are a perfect tool in My perfect hands, and all I ask is your trust and obedience. It is not your worth that made Me choose you, but my choosing of you that deems you worthy and nothing can take that worth from you. Rest in me. Abide in me. Seek me first, and all else will be added to you.'

Holy is our God, and gracious that He should reveal anything of Himself to us.

"Animal"

Lyrics to my newest song, written at 4am last night. I think it's mostly about the escapist fantasies of a 20something... but I'll leave it open to interpretation.

V1
Who can catch me now?
What force governs my life, wild as the night?
sharpening my claws on the last thread
of the fabric of my old fight

I would laugh or cry
If I could remember the sounds, my new muscles twitch
and tug to pursue
The passions and prey I only dreamt  of before

chorus
The sun hit my fur like a first kiss
And I cried to the wind through my teeth:
'Take me somewhere with wide open spaces
Room to run, and the sun
Oh God, to be an animal!
Take me somewhere with no more blank faces
Staring down, without a sound
All these carnivores and cannibals!'

V2
You're dismayed to find
Your hand no longer fits in mine
You act so surprised, but I realize
That four feet on the ground's the way to survive

I gave all my clothes to the Salvation Army
Don't need them now
None to impress, with elegant dress
Don't even need your love to keep me warm

(repeat chorus)
outro
Take me somewhere, I know that it's out there
I've come undone
The taste on my tongue
It's so sweet, I'm just an animal....