Creativity

I always joke that I can only write songs when I am in love, or heartbroken. I have written more songs this month than I have in the past two years put together. Funny how my creative mind is fueled by passion. I just wish that my music came through an easier channel, because all of these feelings are driving me insane! Do you have a muse? Is it a person, thing or a feeling?

Balloons

You know how balloons are really, really hard to blow up at first, but then once they've been blown up it's super easy to do it again? I think hearts are the opposite of that. I find that each time you let someone in and they leave, it gets harder and harder each time. It's like they leave scars when they leave that harden and make it that much more difficult to open up the next time. I think to myself, it may be easier to just not.... to lock it all away to prevent any further damage. But I think that's against my nature, and against human nature. We want to be known, we want to be loved, not just protected. But be patient with me, because it will take you that much longer to make me believe that you won't run as soon as I tip my hand.

metamorphosis

One unique characteristic of a major life change (or more specifically, a move to a new location) is that it affords you the opportunity to reinvent yourself. At your new location, it is likely that no one there will know that in middle school your staple clothing item was parachute pants, or that in high school you barfed into your tuba at the year-end recital. Your past is a blank slate, as is your future. So now I find myself in the state of blankness, but rapidly being written upon by the things I say, do, wear, eat... Who do I want to be? The old has fallen away, and now I must decide. Do I like who I am? If not, I must change quickly because my window of opportunity for first impressions is rapidly closing.

everything is illuminated

Everything is illuminated in the light of the past
But everything is also illuminated by the light of the present as well
The present light can even illuminate details in the past we may have missed
or purposefully overlooked,
overlooked for the sake of the future

Am I

Am I kidding myself that nothing will change after everything has changed?
My forced, desperate attempts to cling to the strings and precious fibers of my happy past are unraveling them faster
and faster
and faster.
I obstinately try to shove my new life into the shrunken, beloved garment of the past, which both causes me pain and is rending my worn memories at the seams.
Holding so tightly to the smoke of an extinguished flame that my nails make my palms bleed.
Maybe
Perhaps
Probably
Definitely
It's time to let go.

I was walking... (inspired by my sister)

I was walking and thinking,
(which is the only thing I can do while walking.)
And felt safe and confident on the edge of a cliff
Then I realized that two feet
24 inches
was all that separated me from death (or at least many broken bones)
How close we all are to the end
A few steps to the right or left
A quick turn of the car wheel to the same
And our futures will vanish without so much as a whispered protest
Yet my actions stink of invincibility
My voice betrays my confidence (as if I will never have a last word)
Perhaps it's best, if I knew the danger surrounding my every moment,
I would never be on this cliff.
I would have missed this view.
And I would have never so foolishly given my heart to you,
the most dangerous thing in my life.