Ripples in a puddle

It's funny how things happen in a rapid chain reaction, feeding off each other like ripples in water. A week ago I had no idea what the next few months would hold. Now I have a new city, new house, and new housemates. This all in the span of a few days! The Lord works in mysterious ways, and I have a feeling good things are in store for the next year.

I wish...

I wish I had a close girlfriend that I could tell anything to
I wish I was a little taller
I wish things didn't have to change
I wish I was more talented
I wish my dad could be home for my birthday, and for Christmas
But I did get one wish that I've wished for every day for as long as I can remember....
I wished for you, dear.
And I feel like the most blessed girl in the world.

10 quirky facts (stolen from Amber Rose)

I stole this from Amber Rose at Laughing With Broken Eyes (She's a dear, check out her blog... I mean it!), a list of 10 quirky facts about me. I have oodles but these are the most prevalent/interesting, I think.
1. I sing. constantly. I hum, whistle, or sing when I am bored, thinking, sad, nervous, happy, busy, and I suspect even sleeping. This can be very frustrating to others, especially when I have a certain song stuck in my head. But see, the thing is, when I sing a song I can hear the song in my head so I don't realize I am singing. I'm just listening to music.
2. I love the smell of my own hair. When I was little I used to ball my hair in my hand and suck my thumb as a comfort thing.
3. When I meet someone, I have to say their name immediately after they tell me or I will forget forever.
4. I compulsively lie to strangers, most times to make myself seem more interesting or to make the conversation flow better
5. My favorite feeling in the world is my hands in flour. But I love touching most soft things.
6.When I walk on sidewalks, I take shorter or longer steps to avoid stepping on cracks.
7. I get really grouchy if I go too long without listening to music, or if I go for too long without a hug.
8. I love to combine words or shorten words. For example, totally= totes, chocolate+ latte= chatte, etc. Yes, I am aware of how juvenile and obnoxious it is.
9. No matter where I am, I feel at home if there is a cat around.
10. When I eat colored candies like M&Ms, I arrange them in rainbow order and eat them until there are equal amounts of each color, then finish them in rainbow order.

Power of observation

One of my pet peeves is people who make less than positive observations on the appearances of others. They may not say it in a negative light, but it's still not a compliment. Most of people's self-image comes from feedback they receive from others, so when you make a comment about someone else you may be shaping how they view themselves, either for the positive or negative. That's a tremendous responsibility, and I think it would be better left alone. For example, these are things I probably would have never known if someone hadn't told me:


- I have big teeth


- I have a small head


- I have a big butt


- I have weird looking feet


- I am shaped like a boy

These are all things that are part of my self image that would not have been there if someone had not told me. Do you really want that responsibility? If you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all. 

Day 3 pt 2

Being on the road has put a single word in my mind: "Leave". I have this gnawing, prodding feeling that change for me is on the horizon. The make-over was only the first step, my insides are turning over, folding in on itself in an effort to become what it longs to be. I feel... I feel like I have to leave where I have called home for the past four years. It wasn't my plan, but it feels right. As long as I stay there I will be content, comfortable, and even happy... but I will remain the same. Same isn't an option for me anymore. Donald says, "We must change or we will die.... I want to change because it is God's way." I feel similarly, that I will die if I don't change, or at least some part of me will. So if I know that I need to and I want to be changed, then why are my hands and feet shaking the way they are?

Day 3

The day has just begun, so I may edit this post if much more happens. As much as I love the adventuring, "roughing it" spirit, I will say that a motel beats the pants off of sleeping in the car. Woke up early for some in-room aerobics, then showered and had a continental breakfast of Raisin Bran as a nod of the head to Don Miller in "Through Painted Deserts". (Read it if you haven't) Breakfast was an experience. I spilled my coffee, offering a mumbled apology of, "I'm nothing but trouble..." to the kind employee who helped clean up the mess. I watched "The Colbert Report" and enjoyed my cereal, despite almost feeling the six people in the room wonder what the hell I was doing there. Every time anyone asks me who I am and what I am doing, I make up a different story... for funsies, really. If I'm figuring out who I am, why not try on a few different personas? So far I've been an aspiring writer moving to Portland, a traveling musician auditioning for a band, and a new graduate on a pilgrimage searching for my place in the cosmos. I call it, two lies and a truth. Luckily, the last and truest has felt the best to me. Also, I've discovered that finding quaint coffee shops to meet people and read at is hard. Not every city has a coffee culture and so far the only places I have been able to find have been starbuck's. Oh well.

Day two

So last night I got to play under the stars, then found a hospital parking lot where I could call home for the night. I laid my yoga mat across my back seat, put on my snuggie and prayed I would wake up again. I didn't have as much trouble falling asleep as I thought and I awoke to a gorgeous sunrise around 5:30 am. Made a nutritious breakfast of crackers, peanut butter and jelly, then played my guitar some more and did some reading. My next stop was a cute little town called Park Ridge. I parked my car, and just started walking. Hung out at a park until I got weird looks from kids, then I just walked around. Trader Joe's, antique shops, starbucks, and the library were among my stops. I've been making some interesting discoveries along the way, I'll delve into those a bit more at a later date. I'm stopped at a motel 8 because I needed a bed and a shower. Talk more tomorrow

Day 1

Departed this afternoon. Not knowing where you are going is both terrifying and invigorating. After driving about 45 minutes I decided to send my GPS off in search of coffee. I made my first selection, George's Koffee Kup because I enjoyed their whimsical use of K's. It led me to a tiny farm town called Kouts, and a promising looking diner. The promises were broken, however, once I spotted the unlit "open" sign. Disappointed I set my GPS for a near Starbucks in Rensselaer. Not as much character as I was hoping for, but least I knew they would be open. A surprise and a blessing came when one of the baristas and I struck up a conversation and I discovered that he was also a restless souled believer like myself, with a passion for ministry and a mutual friend from my college town. He gave me some good advice, kind words, and encouragement. My plan for tonight is to find a quiet country road where I can see the stars, lay my blanket across my hood, and play guitar to the night sky until I feel tired enough to sleep. Goodnight friends, See you all tomorrow.

Pilgrimage

So here it is; the trip I have been dreaming of since Christmas break. Although it is on a much smaller scale than originally intended, the purpose remains the same. I am setting out to find the answers to the questions my heart has been asking about God, to find myself, and to face my fears. I fear driving to places I have never been; I'm driving to several. I fear being alone; I will be far away from anyone familiar. I fear talking to strangers; I will try to engage nearly everyone I come across. I fear change; I will be changed.What this means for the blog is that for the next five days this will be where I will chronicle my experience, what I think and feel. I warn you, these will not be organized or even coherent thoughts. They will be emotion driven and mostly consist of me re-discovering discoveries I made and forgot. One trip to walmart for some last minute essentials and off I go. Yay!!!

Reinvention

Sometimes, you just have to reinvent yourself. I've been changing a lot lately, and I guess one day I looked in the mirror and decided my outside didn't match the way I felt on the inside. So I gave myself a makeover. I got a tattoo to remind myself to always live with and chase after passion. I chopped all my hair off to match my new- found feelings of independence. I dyed it dark because I felt like it. Tomorrow I'm taking a week long road trip to find myself, and to find God. My budget is about $120, which means lots of sleeping in my car and cheap food but I am eager for some alone time to think and read.
I have a stack of 4 or 5 books that I hope to finish by the end of the trip, and about a million questions. I'll be happy if even one of them is answered at the end.
I have an atlas, a suitcase, a pillow, and my guitar but the one thing I don't have is a plan. I'm just going to go and see where it takes me. Adventure, friends!!! What would life be without it?

Home is where the heart is

Guess what, friends!! I got my first tattoo! I designed this tattoo sophomore year when I studied the heart in school.I found a fascination and awe of the cardiovascular system. I love that a small, fist shaped hunk of muscle is responsible for circulating blood by contracting 70-100 times a minute for your entire life! And I love that an electrocardiogram (or EKG) can give a visual representation of the electric impulses generated by each section of the heart. That way, just by looking at the shape and spacing of the peaks and waves, you can tell what is going wrong or right in the heart. The lines are clean and graphic, but also anatomically correct. You can see the P wave, QRS complex, and a small T wave. I'm really pleased with how it turned out. What is means to me personally, is to always chase after what you are passionate about, what your heart beats for.

Appearances can be deceiving

Today I thought about carrying around a flask or a bottle in a paper bag, but fill them with fresca (or any other beverage of my choice). People would see, assume, likely judge, but then I would have a scapegoat. When I say ridiculous/bizarre things, act like a goof, do something stupid or put my foot in my mouth, they'll all just cluck their tongues and go, "oh it's understandable... she's drunk". I could get away with absolutely anything!.... until the intervention, of course.

I hate being happy.

Ok so perhaps that was a slight exaggeration... I don't hate being happy. But now that I find myself in a good place and on the way to contentment, I find myself thinking back fondly and almost longing for days when my life was in tatters and I was unhappy and discontent. Is it because I am scared of stagnancy and *gasp* boredom? I honestly couldn't tell you. My psyche is a hot mess and I would much rather just watch TV than suss out whatever the heck is going on there.