Lonely Hearts Club

My house is filled with brokenness. Three girls, three newly ended relationships. Luckily, we are able to console each other and use each other's experiences in our own lives. I have noticed a pattern in each of us, and it roughly follows the Kubler-Ross model of grief. It looks a little bit like this:
1. Denial- "I'm fine, I'm better off anyway." "This is only a short break, we're gonna get back together."
2. Anger- "I hate that %&F&^$!! Eat $#!# and die!!!"
3. Bargaining- "Maybe if I lose some weight, act sweeter, date someone else and make him jealous... we'll get back together."
4. Depression- "I miss him so much! Why doesn't want to be with me??"
5. Acceptance- "It's for the best, I need to find someone that treats me how I deserve to be treated."

Dance with me, lead me

Once I danced with a talented swing dancer. "I have two left feet... no, SIX left feet", I exclaimed in protest as he took my hand with a saucy grin. "Trust me... just keep walking", he whispered as the panic started to make my fingers shake. I did as I was told, I just kept putting one foot in front of the other as his strong, confident grip spun and moved me. We were dancing, though I don't know a step. My life feels much like that dance felt. I have no idea what I am doing here in this town, in this life. I hear that same whisper, saying "Trust me... just keep walking". As I periodically look around, I realize that my partner, my leader, my Savior is perfectly choreographing, directing, and guiding me with His strong hand. All I had to do was reach out and take the hand waiting to lead me to the dance.

A bit of wisdom

This is a bit of wisdom that I have recently acquired. It seems simple, and I am almost sure I have read it before somewhere... perhaps on a box of cereal? But it took me till now to understand it. When you align yourself with anyone, a friend, a boyfriend/girlfriend, the intimacy level and commitment level need to be as equal as possible. I have a habit of becoming extremely intimate with people very soon after I meet them because I am so open and honest (and by intimate I do not mean physical intimacy, rather emotional/spiritual intimacy). Then if the friendship or relationship takes a bad turn, it is that much more painful because of how much of myself I shared and poured into that person. But if I had waited, established a deeper connection and had a good idea that it would stand the test of time, I could have slowly eased into that level of intimacy. Men, be cautious with the hearts of the women around you. The heart is like a room within a room within a room within a room. As you get to know her, she will open new doors and allow you closer and closer to the core of who she is. But you have no right to demand entrance to that innermost place unless you plan and expect to stay there a very, very long time. Commitment must match intimacy. So simple, why did it take me till now to realize?

In the morning comes Joy

I am Joyful
I am Lovely
I can do all things but two:

1. Forget that I loved you
2. Forget that you no longer love me

Cheer up, buttercup

I've been feeling blue lately, so for kicks and giggles and to cheer myself up, I'm going to make a list of things that make me glad to be alive. You should do the same!

Skipping rocks. Mixing ice cream and warm brownies. Old book smells. Putting my hands in bowls of flour. Letting ladybugs use my fingertips as launching pads. Climbing trees. Watching squirrels eat. Watching tv wrapped in a warm blanket. Biking really fast through the woods. Skeleton keys. Making people laugh. Trying new things. Finishing a book. Painting my nails. Playing music or listening to a really good song. Babies laughing. Sunglasses. Sunsets, sunrises, puffy clouds. Standing on my head and pretending the ceiling is the floor. Coffee smells. Polishing silver. Antique shops. Bubble tea. Hearing people talk about things they are passionate about. Complimenting people. Old watches. Books with notes written in them. Hearts. Frozen grapes. Cold pizza. Pancakes with peanut butter. Holding hands. When it's raining even though the sun is out. Storms. Making faces. New pennies. Wearing other peoples' watches.

I want to know

I want you to know, I'm not ok without you
I was fine before you, but now... I can't go back to those days
The days when I was ignorant of your existence, your smile, your heart....
Yes, I expected too much of you
Yes, you were selfish
But all I want to know
is that you aren't ok without me, too.