Bittersweet...but mostly sweet

Today was my last day of undergraduate classes. I can hardly believe it, even as I type the words. I don't feel much different from my freshman self a short four years ago, but looking back I can see just how much I have changed. I don't really feel like going into all of the complex feelings I am experiencing as I face graduation, so instead I will make a short list of things I will miss and won't miss about college classes:
Will miss: waking up early and seeing the sun rise as I walk to class, laying out on the lawn and studying, people watching between classes, all-nighter cram sessions with friends, having something to dress outrageously for, not being held accountable for most of my actions, having summer break, having Thursday be a socially acceptable day to go to the dancey bars.
Won't miss: Waking up early to drag my butt to class, walking in the snow and rain, waiting on buses, sitting for hours in a classroom, obscene amounts of schoolwork, stress of homework and exams, not having time for friends, feeling like a child most of the time.
So all-in-all, I am ready for this transition. All I have to do is survive finals week. Eye of the tiger!!!!

I eat the head off first

Easter is wonderful for many reasons, one of those reasons being the chocolate bunnies. Being in bunny form makes the chocolate taste better, I swear it does (Not unlike cartoon-shape macaroni). I was planning on writing a blog about my moral opposition to dressing up for church (and if you want to know why, I'll explain but it is silly) but then I remembered 2 Tim 2:23. That particular verse states, "Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies, you know that they breed quarrels."
So rather than write the aforementioned rant, I will simply say, friends, rejoice in this day. Let's put aside our differences and brokenness and remember the events that transpired to give us the grace and freedom we enjoy so undeservedly. Happy Easter <3
P.S. I know this is a day late, I wrote it in church and never got access to a computer. Oopsy :)

Home again, home again, jiggedy jig

Home. I am home for Easter and it is lovely. I find that there are certain things, and also certain smells and foods that simply remind me of home. No matter where I am, coming into contact with any one of these things brings instant comfort. When I was in Haiti and so far removed from anything familiar, the only time I felt ok was when I pet a Haitian cat that reminded me of my baby, Sassy. Here is a few things that are home to me:


- Fried Chicken
- Cats
- the smell of Folger's coffee
- Brown carpets
- Pianos
- The movie, "It's a Wonderful Life"
- Japanese food
- Fireplaces
- Monopoly
What is home to you?

Jenga

My life is a game of Jenga. My mistakes, my bad habits and my personality flaws are all pulling the pieces out from under me and I can feel it...
wavering...
quivering...
I watch my fingers as they reach for that fateful piece. That wrong piece. That vital.last.piece.
Inwardly I scream at myself not to touch it, but I know I will, I always do.
Jenga.

tell me your heart doesn't race for a burning building

Do you ever get the impulse to jump in front of a car or throw yourself off of a tall building? And please don't misunderstand me, I am not morbid or suicidal, and I don't wallow in the macabre. I would often experience those impulses while going for a walk along highways or riding my bike across a bridge, and would be deeply disturbed by them. "Am I suicidal? Do I want to die?" But then I realized I did not desire death, I simply wanted to experience feeling truly alive. So much of my life is spent in a numb, almost dream-like state that the surge of adrenaline accompanying such a catastrophe was exactly what I needed. Also, I just want to know what it's like to be struck by a car. Call me curious. Do you feel that way, desperate for something, anything to make you feel....really feel alive?
On a lighter note, I am treating myself to a new pair of shoes. I have it narrowed down to two. Help me pick?

I can't think of a good title.

Once, I decided that I would try to start biting my nails. Why? Because I liked the idea of being "the girl who bites her nails." Like, my friends would look at me and say, "Oh that Stephanie just can't stop biting her nails..." or my boyfriend would look at the gnawed remnants of my fingernails and just smile and shake his head... and I liked that idea. So I tried to start a habit of chewing my fingernails, but unfortunately it just didn't take. My fingernails are incredibly strong and by the time I remembered I was supposed to chew them, they were already too long and strong for my poor teeth to demolish. Not that I don't have other nervous habits; I'm a compulsive lip-chewer, jewelry-player-wither, and hummer...but I don't like the idea of those as much. Oh well. Have you ever decided to adopt something as part of your identity, just for kicks? Did it take?

עֲמַלְיָה

I look at my life now, I don't recognize it. It is as if I went to bed an ugly stepsister, wretched and forsaken, and awoke a princess, filled with a world of beauty and promise. I praise the Lord every day for his accomplishment in turning my life into something I can be proud of when I reveal my heart to my close friends. So completely transformed am I, I feel like I should change my name... Isn't that what people did in the Bible times when they underwent a transformation? Call me Amalya, which translated from Hebrew means "Work of God". I look forward to what He has in store for me next.